I'm feeling like a terrible mother today - I have a baby 3/5th's engaged (!!) as confirmed by the midwife today, so I'm needing to be ready to welcome this little life any day now...... and yet my fuse is incredibly short with Luca and Beni. Poor little guys.
I've had zero tolerance for their noise and general boyish-ness and this makes me feel terrible for this other new life we are about to welcome when I just seem to be an intolerant, grumpy mother at the moment... Not cool. Not cool at all.
I have a herneated belly-button, this would explain the pain I'm in and the sensitivity in that area. Apparently this will go back to normal after birth, including other 'bits' on my body which seem to have protruded in pregnancy and are damn sore.
So I'm sore. I'm grumpy. I've been angry at my kids.
I don't like it that I'm sore and grumpy and have been angry at my kids.
I don't like what seems to be 'spilling out' of my heart and mouth all too easily. Grrrrrr.
I know I just need to be spending time in His presence and He will help me get everything back on track, help sort out all my shee-at that seems to be spewing forth.
My husband has just dropped a chocolate easter egg on the bed with the intention of cheering me up.
He's very sweet and knows what I need and when I need it.
Poor him that he was greeted at the door by a frazzled and grumpy wife today.
But that's just how it is today.
It's likely that tomorrow will be so much better, if not the complete opposite.
If any good has come out of today, it is the realisation that I just need more of God in me.
I need His refreshment, peace and strength on a daily basis, so I can be the best mamma to these little people He has blessed me with.
Sure there will be bad days, but I want to handle them better than I have today and I can't do that in my own strength, that's a proven fact.
Now I need to go and kiss these little guys goodnight and tell them I love them. I hope they realise just how much I actually do.