As I think on today's events, it was a day when I really needed my mum.
I would have given anything to have my mum come around and entertain the children for the day so I could have a break. Have some sleep. Have some 'Me' time. Have some 'mother-daughter' time. And then have some more sleep.
I was needing my mum to reassure me that this is all very normal and yes there will be days when you feel like up and leaving and not looking back.
I think the sleep deprivation is not helping things, but we are also still having toilet training 'issues' with Luca and, quite frankly, it's doing my head in.
I don't think any wees made it into the toilet today... and he chose today to have his second ever 'poo-in-the-bath' incident. Neat. Need I mention that I don't dig on poos very much at all?
Luca's statistics today were 20% of very flippin cute and 80% of being a little Sugar Honey Iced Tea.
If you get my drift...
But let's move on shall we? I just had to get that all out blurghhhhhh.
The day ended on a very sweet-as-triple-chocolate-pie-with-caramel-sauce-on-top note which totally saved the day.
After feeding and bathing the boys it was time for Beni to go to bed. And to avoid having to lock Luca out of our room while I did this because I knew he would just be a distraction, I asked him if he would like to come and sing our special 'Goodnight' song to Beni with Mamma.
"Yes!" he says, charging through the door, "Sing goodnight song to Beni-Boo"
And so we sang together while Luca gently bounced Beni's hammock.
This instantly made my uptight, stessed and frustrated heart melt.
Moments like this remind me what being a Mamma is all about.
Being able to lavish love and gentleness on your children and to be the example to them of how to do this.
I feel I failed miserably in that area today, but there's always tomorrow huh?
Anyway, the lullaby we sing to our boys at night is taken from Cbeebies, the British children's channel on BBC. It's a fantastic channel and at the end of the day they sing this goodnight song that we now claim as our own...
The words are so sweet (even though sometimes I have to lie through my teeth as I sing "We've had so much fun today"... I hold back from adding APART FROM WHEN YOU POO'D YOUR UNDIES AND SCREAMED AND KICKED ME BECAUSE I WOULDN'T LET YOU HAVE A BISCUIT!!...) and I guess because Beni heard us singing it to Luca when he was in the womb but he does big sighs and drifts off to sleep as soon as I start singing it to him. Awwwww.
So as I drift off to sleep tonight I will be holding onto 'The Lullaby' moment we had at the end of a particularly trying day.