Next time I intend to fly somewhere with my children, please remind me of the following so I can mentally prepare myself:
1. Passenger planes are not designed to be 'Time Out' friendly so don't waste your breath threatening time-out because it can't be followed through with.
2. Take many many many treats to generally keep the toddler quiet/sedated for the travel duration. You can deal with the fillings needed for their teeth later.
3. When choosing a seat on an unallocated seated flight, always ensure the person your toddler is sitting behind is sympathetic to having children as it is guaranteed their seat will be kicked numerous times during the flight duration.
4. When you are at border control trying to get you and your kids back into the country and your toddler runs off down 1 of the 100 corridors available:
a) remember those buildings are large and echoey and when you yell at your toddler to COME BACK HERE RIGHT NOW, your voice will bounce all around the room and down the 100 corridors.
b) make sure they are wearing one of their named articles of clothing so you can just walk away and trust that someone else will find them and deliver them back to you at the address given.
5. Before you get to Border Control always check your passports haven't fallen out of the bag of toys it was carelessly placed with on the return flight.
6. Just pay the £30 fee for checking a bag onto Ryanair! This will save yourself from dangerously high stress-levels and many new grey hairs from having to juggle numerous bags of carry-on luggage, a 9kg baby, a buggy and a 16.5kg toddler who demands to be carried at the most inopportune times.
7. One must never attempt to fly without one's husband.
8. If one's husband is unavailable, make sure one's best friend is available.
9. In the worst case scenario and everything turns to custard, remember that on most flights whiskey is available.
10. Print out the photos below, keep them in your wallet and never ever forget how cute your kids are!