That's just how it is today...

It's just been a bit of a crappy afternoon - enough for me to open the door to my husband when he got home and tell him "They are all yours for the next hour" and then take my computer and crochet into my room to sulk... So mature Brigitte.

I'm feeling like a terrible mother today - I have a baby 3/5th's engaged (!!) as confirmed by the midwife today, so I'm needing to be ready to welcome this little life any day now...... and yet my fuse is incredibly short with Luca and Beni. Poor little guys.

I've had zero tolerance for their noise and general boyish-ness and this makes me feel terrible for this other new life we are about to welcome when I just seem to be an intolerant, grumpy mother at the moment... Not cool. Not cool at all.

I have a herneated belly-button, this would explain the pain I'm in and the sensitivity in that area. Apparently this will go back to normal after birth, including other 'bits' on my body which seem to have protruded in pregnancy and are damn sore.

So I'm sore. I'm grumpy. I've been angry at my kids.

I don't like it that I'm sore and grumpy and have been angry at my kids.

I don't like what seems to be 'spilling out' of my heart and mouth all too easily. Grrrrrr.

I know I just need to be spending time in His presence and He will help me get everything back on track, help sort out all my shee-at that seems to be spewing forth.

My husband has just dropped a chocolate easter egg on the bed with the intention of cheering me up.
He's very sweet and knows what I need and when I need it.
Poor him that he was greeted at the door by a frazzled and grumpy wife today.

But that's just how it is today.

It's likely that tomorrow will be so much better, if not the complete opposite.

If any good has come out of today, it is the realisation that I just need more of God in me.

I need His refreshment, peace and strength on a daily basis, so I can be the best mamma to these little people He has blessed me with.

Sure there will be bad days, but I want to handle them better than I have today and I can't do that in my own strength, that's a proven fact.

Now I need to go and kiss these little guys goodnight and tell them I love them. I hope they realise just how much I actually do.

The Gratitude Runs Deep

Japan is heavy on my heart.
Upon learning of the terrible mega-quake in Japan today and the resulting Tsunami, I am once again reminded of the fragility and preciousness of life.

When mankind is dealt with blows from the forces of nature we realise we are so powerless against them.

And I think it makes us realise we need GOD watching over our lives and protecting our loved ones now, more than ever before.

This realisation instantly makes me re-prioritise.

It makes me hug my children tighter than before.
It makes me wish my husband would come home from work early so we can all be together, safe.

And it makes me so very grateful.
Grateful for all that I am blessed to have.

A roof over our heads, heating, running water, children who are fed, bathed and now sleeping soundly in their beds, a healthy baby growing steadily and moving happily in my womb, my husband who has just brought me a cup of Milo and a cookie.

I love the new Hillsong United album "Aftermath". It is awesome. Powerful lyrics and music, God-breathed for sure.
The track titled "Aftermath" is my favourite at the moment. Take a moment to play this YouTube link and follow the lyrics.
WARNING: You may need to lie prostrate on the ground, especially when the 'bridge' kicks in.

Sending many prayers to My God this weekend for the people of Japan.

In sickness and in health - it's still a good life.

After a wonderfully busy and sociable weekend we are all feeling a bit sick and tired.

I spent the majority of Valentines Day in bed.

I would just like to take this moment to say that my husband is so wonderful. He got the boys up, made them and me breakfast which he brought to me in bed with a coffee. He did the dishes, washing, baked some bread, made dinner while working from home(!) and I slept the day away {and all night as well}!!

I've got conjunctivitis in one eye and pregnancy pains in certain areas that are causing me grief.
We have a 3 year old child who is causing us grief.
Beni has teething troubles and a nappy rash which are causing him grief.

Austin got food poisoning from some left-over chicken so spent all last night vomitting - from both ends...
And I have a bad case of homesickness for my family in NZ.

But although we are struck down with sickness, exhaustion and homesickness, I am still feeling full and thankful. We have a roof over our heads, food in the cupboards {including a chicken in the fridge which obviously needs to be thrown out...}, happy and healthy children, a great marriage, and wonderful friends around us who care - really care. You know, the ones who will go the extra mile or 5 for you as would you for them.

And the absolute cherry on top is knowing, without a doubt, that we have a God who loves us and is caring and providing for us. In that fact alone I feel safe, secure, protected and looked after. I cannot fathom having it any other way.

 

Luca is at school and Austin and Beni are asleep on the couch so I might just take this opportunity to have another wee lie down. Why not huh?

And then I'll get on with the dishes, hoovering, washing, toilet cleaning, lunch, dinner and maybe even a little bit of sewing!

Getting Back My Groove

With a New Year comes an opportunity for change.

An opportunity to put a stake in the ground and say "There is no going back from this point." A choice to only move forward, no matter what comes our way.

Today I did just that.

2010 was pretty much a write-off as far as my relationship with God goes and I'm really sad to admit this, but hey, let's move on huh?

I could blame it on my struggle with PND and lacking all motivation - because most days the only prayer I could utter was "God, help me!"

But I don't want to list out all the excuses - I just want to move forwards now.

So while Beni was taking his morning nap I blew the dust off my bible (literally), sat in my favourite chair with a large cup of tea and put my 'stake in the ground'.

'Artistic' scribble on my bible page is c/o Luca aged 1 year. Not because I was angry :)

This is how it's going to be from now on.
No more excuses Brigitte.
I want growth on the inside, I want change and now is the time.
For myself and for the sake of my husband and my children I'm taking a new grip and strengthening my weary knees.
I'm marking out a straight path for my feet to walk.
Yep.
It's all good and I'm excited about all this year holds for me individually and for us as a family.

I'm so very thankful that God never stops loving, that his grace just goes on and on.
It blows my mind actually because I would be so frustrated at me by now if I was God!
Thankfully I'm not.

How about you? Are you marking out a new path this year? Wanting change? Let me know! I'd love to hear about it and encourage you along the way X